Friday, July 27, 2012

Walking the... talk

Today I managed to implement one of the important things of Amala Bharatam: a BIN!

I convinced a shopkeeper where I have my lunch every day, fish, which is not on the ashram's menu, to place a big bin outside of his shop to invite students, villagers to put all their papers, plastics in it.
I drafted a sign in english and the owner did his in malayalam.
First little step, which hopefully one day will prevent me from picking 10packs of sweets, cans and papers on my way to Uni every morning!

Hope and faith is everything.... Cleaningness is holiness!

Sunday, July 22, 2012

After 6 months of hard work...

final step was made this week for the PhD I am starting in Social Innovation and Social Entreprise: Factors of Community engagement at BoP level through SI/SE. See MyProjects section for the full Research Proposal.
I am really happy to be now so close: just one last math exam and interview in september and all should get going soon!
Even one article on its way for a conference in December...rocking!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

No cry...

Flying over the Arabian sea, over an ocean of tenderness, soft appearance of cotton, an infinite welcoming bed, I am taken by surprise by this wave of sensitivity.

I have not cried in years, feeling at times the utter pain of this dryness, of this drought of my heart, not being able to let go, to abandon my pride, my ego and all the pains I identified and engraved so strongly…making the whole psychological pain more physically acute every time, to the point of transferring into Metastasis, polypus, acidity -facing death- like I know deep inside that these tears are the symbol, the expression of my liberation almost a detachment to needed pains, coping mechanisms, hate and resentment.
Letting go of the fears, finally materializing pain and witnessing it flood my shirt, not paying attention to the surprise and concern of my neighbors.

I am so tired that I fall asleep.
And wake up after a while like after a hangover!
Have I dreamed this?

How can I cry when I am on my way to meet the woman of my life, the one in my life, the one I miss every moment since one month.
Today, here and now, the person I want to smile at all the time -actually smiling at her now, my neighbors now must think I am really crazy! – the one I am want to share my craziest dreams, my deepest prayers, my best friend, my lover, my daily life.
Well I am not sad, just letting go, actually starting to feel  slowly the joy a new freedom: I do not need pain any more to identify happiness.
I do not need to sabotage to feel I am worth it.
I do not need to fear … to try, to reject… to welcome.

I AM that, in between happy and sad, very present here and now, grateful and very attentive, conscious of the fragility of life, responsible to live my life to the fullest, not in a frantic despair of fear of loosing but in a strong, serene consciousness of my responsibility to give back to God all the good I received, to reveal all the qualities he placed in me, express them by serving the Universe: love, be happy, cherish every moment, express the blessing of loving Her, feeling Her love, capable to take it now. Abandoning myself and yet completely aware of impermanence, responsible of my actions, master of my mind and feelings, strong mentally and physically, and yet perfectly fragile, vulnerable, not afraid of my tears.
Not needing like before to go through the ‘matcho list’ each time I was feeling weak: I am a 100kg rugby player, strong black belt in judo, carried some men on my shoulders on a ladder at the fire brigade of Paris, shot war riffles when I was training as an army officer…’
I could have killed thousands of people, here and now, it would not heal or protect me from the wounds opened from the past, the fears shrinking me into the fearful little boy, petrified by his shouting voice, all these fears that brought me to the darkest borders, cliffs of despair.

Today I wash it away in tears and I thank Bob and Marley to have made it… acceptable, touching… human… even courageous and masculine….. to cry.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Beautiful day in Thiruvananthapuram

When I left the ashram this morning the waves once more, were inviting…big, powerful…
But no time to surf this morning... I have to see… about a gal :-)

Short stop over at the DSP of Kollam, foreign office police department that has to issue a NOL (Non Objection to Leave) every time I want to get out of India… this time really fast, my few words of Malayalam are doing miracles with Suresh Sir!
Then a great lunch in that funny round, shell of restaurant near Tvd train station, great Mutton cutlets…

The search for a hotel nearby happened to be a lot more problematic: all was booked (in my budget around 500Rs) because a renowned swami was giving a lecture in the evening!
So I decided to go for an Ayurveda massage in the CVS Kalari center, Kerala martial art. Gosh was it … martial, but one of the best massage in my life, just I need to be all good for the trip and her arrival!
Lots of oil, ruined my Cacharel underwear and my towel but was worth any penny!
Just what I needed after the stress of my PhD application and sustainability conference org this week.
I recommend it: Dr Suril Kamail, CVS Center, Killipallam, 9446573453
And then the pleasure to meet my friend Sajitha for tea, and her lovely daughter.
Journey in a painter’s world… check inspiring section for all details on her work, Gwory Institute of Art, amazing creative place in the mountains...

Thinking of investing in my artistic sensitivities… as well as… in the one of… that special


Bharat mataki Jay!

Ultrabody experiences....

the future married couple, Shilpy Sankar... is sooo happy!

 I love the B&W, especially

Monday, July 2, 2012

Guru Purnima...

(IAST: Guru Pūrṇimā, sanskrit: गुरु पूर्णिमा) is a festival traditionally celebrated by Hindus and Buddhists, and Amma’s devotees like me!
The word guru is derived from two words, 'Gu' and 'Ru' . The Sanskrit root "Gu" means darkness or ignorance. "Ru" denotes the remover of that darkness. Therefore one who removes darkness of our ignorance is a Guru. So Guru is most necessary part of lives. On this day, disciples offer puja (worship) or pay respect to their Guru (Spiritual Guide). It falls on the day of full moon, Purnima, in the month of Ashadh (June–July) of the Shaka Samvat, Indian national calendar andHindu calendar. Traditionally the festival is celebrated by Buddhists in the honor the lord Buddha who gave His first sermon on this day at Sarnath, Uttar Pradesh, India. While Hindus celebrate it in the honour of the great sage Vyasa, who is seen as one of the greatest gurus in ancient Hindu traditions, and a symbol of the Guru-shishya tradition. Vyasa was not only believed to have been born on this day, but also to have started writing the Brahma Sutras on ashadha sudha padyami which ends on this day, hence their recitations as a dedication to him, are organised on this day, which is also known as Vyasa Purnima.
So today is the one day per year to celebrate your spiritual guide, the one leading you on the path to serenity.

I woke up this morning at 3.30AM to go and pray at the Khalari temple, attend a very powerful pooja. Praying to thank God for all the healing that took, taking place in me since the last 6 months. Healing threatening Metastasis, somatization of the wrong directions I was taking in my life… and that would have led to irreversible sickness; as well as ever engrained coping mechanisms that have hindered me most of my life.

Today releasing last signs of hate, resentment, compulsion into the holy fire of Khalari felt a relief of those weights on my shoulders…

I feel completely free, free to love, to receive love, to relate to that true, sacred love inside my heart, unconditional, without needing anything, expecting, just wanting it ALL!

Wanting to spread love in everything I do, in fulfilling my purpose in life, create value at the Bottom, helping deprived communities to rise; in healing my linage, my family (now that I am healed an truly loving myself), my friends, with an open and strong heart… in every way!

Today is the day to be thankful for the teachings of life, of the Universe, of Amma, of LOVE.

Today is the day to surrender, to pray and lay down at Amma’s holy feet the sorrows as well as the joys.

I do not own anything, all is a gift of life, of God.

I am the master of my own feelings, and responsible to act or not on them, responsible for the energy I send, my actions.

Today I am truly blessed to have met a master like Amma and humbly thank God.