Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Leaving 2013 with a smile... and welcoming 2014 with lots of love

.... it really takes a lot of compassion to look at a year that passed by and try honestly, without shame, guilt or self punishment to love every part of it, all experiences that occurred, just like experiences, detached from its major emotions.

And it takes a lot of faith to empty your heart from all these emotions and projections to look at 2014, to start fresh, full of hope, praying only to get the strength, serenity and discernment to fill it with love.

2013 has surely been such a year with so much pain that it knocked me down, blinded me for some time...but where going through these important, tough and unusual experiences...
in the end made me a lot stronger...  hopefully more humble and more careful too.
A roller-coaster of emotions took me in all parts of the world, India, south, north, Europe, France Germany, Finland, Spain...going from building a family to the solitude of a PhD research, going from feeling strong and busted by those dreams of sharing a life, a healthy honest relationship, settling down, to the fears and disappointments of facing mostly lies, shortcomings and self-centered behaviors...
digesting all disappointments alone...
accepting yet in all these circumstances to carry on going... trying...

I realized along this path of betrayals, lies… that the number of liars, cowards, cheats... I have met were absolutely irrelevant...
but the number of honest, caring, trustworthy people that I have been blessed to have by my side this year where the people, the moments that really mattered.

If I cannot trust blind-fully like I cannot believe blindly yet my faith comes from trying, experimenting and acting from my side as much as I can righteously.
If things fail, if others need to lie, to escape, it is in the end... their problem, their notion of respect of themselves, of others. Their idea, dimension of love.

It is not the number of times I fell on my knees, I lost hope that matters, but the number of times I raised and tried again.

I do not want to measure myself to what others think of me, nor what they do to me, but the way I can act myself, I can try and have a positive impact in the way I am, the way I position myself.

And more importantly today not to keep any bad feelings, resentments, hate in my stomach... in order to appreciate more of the beautiful meals coming in... from Karnataka, from Helsinki, from Madrid... just building that assurance that it is all fine, just like it is.

Self assurance through first articles to struggle to present to prominent conference for the first time, article to finalize on topics I properly dislike, that take huge tolls on me like Advanced Quantitative Methods, huge lists of datas to crunch, when all I would like to do is to slash waves with my new board!
Maybe that is simply that becoming adult, independent!!

So yes my dear friends, that is all I can wish you:  to leave 2013 with a smile, take a deep breath, a leap of faith and make your heart ready to be filled with love in 2014!

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