Sunday, June 16, 2013

Some say that sharing feelings is inappropriate...

So... what about the example of that good friend of mine as well part of my PhD ADC, amazingly smart, PhD from Berkeley, great poet as you will see hereafter, established in his faculty world, yet sharing very intimate feelings (which for a indian is even more daring!):
Here is one of the very personal email he sends sometimes on a monday morning to a circle of his friends/students...:

"Real men dont cry. thats what they say. Sometimes unreal men dont cry either :-) take me for instance. tears come tough to me. I've cried a handful of times in my life. And in that handful perhaps twice for my fathers accidental death more than twenty five years ago. Once soon after it happened, talking to a dear friend of him. And now on this trip to delhi when i was re-reading. the joint will he had written for himself and my mother perhaps thirty years ago. suddenly, spontaneously, the tears they just came marching in.
Sometimes the purity of a love just overwhelms you. such was his love. and will. at one level it was a classic will. written in the language that brings a sparkle to the lawyers eyes, and nudges the judges to nod their heads solemnly. a model will with attention paid to the important details. but that was not what made me cry. it was the love that broke me.  his immense caring for his wife, our mother. and the clear will that she never ever be made to feel less for his passing. an unimpeachable fairness in relation to his sons. provisions made for any debts to be repaid. for a foundation to help give access to education for those with the desire but not the resources - something he deeply cared for. consideration given to the uncertainty of future events yet to come. and thought given to people yet to come in his life. such as his youngest son's wife. my wife. 

And the real endowment, the real will - his and my mothers. That we inherit the integrity, love and respect that they gave each other and us - every moment of their lives. that we, their sons, honor and cherish each other just as they did us. and a will, a foresight that built in mechanisms to help us along the way. just in case :-)
"We have considered this point carefully. we do not want to leave behind disputes, ill-will and dissatisfaction among our children and we want them to live in peace, amity, and complete co-operation. after considering various pros and cons..."
Such love and such attention to detail? and so the tears came. some for the smallness of the spot fixed and match fixed world i see around me - the greed, the selfishness, the daily lies and insincerities, and that awesomely inexplicable pettiness. and some in gratitude. for the fortune of having as a father a person who showed us - through his life, his little and big actions, his born in the marrow of his bones integrity, his undeniable love and his living will - that there is another music one can hear too.  it will not be an easy comfortable life. but it will be the song of a river that runs far beyond, far richer, far deeper. all it takes to know that we have this choice too is one example, one life. one will :-)
The poem for this edition of the monday morning mail is a song by leonard cohen - one my favorite songwriter singers. what can i say about that lovingly etched by time face and that gravelly voice :-) and the magic of the man's words... 
"If It Be Your Will"

If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will

If it be your will. 

Leonard Cohen

After this, if you still believe one should not share, stay in the cold, not take the risks of love, compassion, accepting alterity, differences...swimming proudly like a swan, beautiful, cynical, clinical perspective on life, not willing to make compromises, to share from a place of compassion, understanding, acceptance, making compromises...

or is it just "me being me"?

Heres a haunting version of the song performed by the man himself, maybe with music and notes you will change your mind:

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